INFORMATION AND COUNSEL ON RECOVERING FROM THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE
By Brad Shamis, Ph.D
Licensed Psychologist
“I don’t feel like reading anything!” may well be your first thought as you glance at this newsletter. Someone you love has died, leaving you in a state of shock and despair. You feel confused, unable to concentrate on even the simplest daily tasks. Making meals, paying bills, and even reading the mail seem overwhelming. Right now, you can’t imagine ever being able to think clearly again.
Mental Distress is part of the grief experience and it is common to feel confused and unable to concentrate or make decisions. You may even sometimes feel disoriented, as though you’ve lost your sense of time, of place, and identity.
Emotional Turmoil is another aspect of grieving. You may experience different emotions at different times: sadness, panic, guilt, fear. You may even have feelings that are completely illogical, feelings of anger of resentment toward the person who died.
Physical Reactions to grief vary with the individual. You may have headaches, stomach or chest pains, or shortness of breath. Insomnia and energy loss are typical. You may feel “empty” inside or that the pain of your loss is physically “heavy,” weighing you down.
Behavior changes are a common reaction to grief. You may cry or lose your temper more frequently than before. You might withdraw from your usual social activities and personal interests. You may have the urge to turn to food, alcohol, or drugs to cope.
Spiritual responses seem to be a part of the grieving experience. Your spiritual beliefs may be challenged, changed, strengthened, or weakened by the death of someone you love.
The death of a loved one has an impact on every aspect of your being. That’s normal. Loss is an upsetting but recurring part of life. But other kinds of loss—jobs, homes, money—can usually be replaced. The death of someone you love is the most devastating loss in human experience. It is an irreplaceable loss, not just of that unique person but of the life that you shared with them. Your entire being recognizes that loss and reacts appropriately by grieving.
It is not only natural, but necessary to grieve. It is so important that it is one of the first goals I give people in grief counseling: to allow yourself to experience the pain of grief. You need to grieve before you can heal, recover, and go on.
The time, manner, and intensity of grieving is different for every person. Let caring family and friends know what you need from them. Don’t pretend to be “getting over it” when you really aren’t. If you feel the need for it, don’t hesitate to get grief counseling. It will not only help you deal with the pain of your loss, but also to adjust to your new reality.
Although it isn’t easy, have faith that in time, (and maybe with a little help) you will reconcile to your new life. For now, here are some coping strategies to get you through the difficult days. Put them where you can read them every day.
For information on grief counseling, call Dr. Brad Shamis: (215)-752-2287 or click the button below
Mental Distress is part of the grief experience and it is common to feel confused and unable to concentrate or make decisions. You may even sometimes feel disoriented, as though you’ve lost your sense of time, of place, and identity.
Emotional Turmoil is another aspect of grieving. You may experience different emotions at different times: sadness, panic, guilt, fear. You may even have feelings that are completely illogical, feelings of anger of resentment toward the person who died.
Physical Reactions to grief vary with the individual. You may have headaches, stomach or chest pains, or shortness of breath. Insomnia and energy loss are typical. You may feel “empty” inside or that the pain of your loss is physically “heavy,” weighing you down.
Behavior changes are a common reaction to grief. You may cry or lose your temper more frequently than before. You might withdraw from your usual social activities and personal interests. You may have the urge to turn to food, alcohol, or drugs to cope.
Spiritual responses seem to be a part of the grieving experience. Your spiritual beliefs may be challenged, changed, strengthened, or weakened by the death of someone you love.
The death of a loved one has an impact on every aspect of your being. That’s normal. Loss is an upsetting but recurring part of life. But other kinds of loss—jobs, homes, money—can usually be replaced. The death of someone you love is the most devastating loss in human experience. It is an irreplaceable loss, not just of that unique person but of the life that you shared with them. Your entire being recognizes that loss and reacts appropriately by grieving.
It is not only natural, but necessary to grieve. It is so important that it is one of the first goals I give people in grief counseling: to allow yourself to experience the pain of grief. You need to grieve before you can heal, recover, and go on.
The time, manner, and intensity of grieving is different for every person. Let caring family and friends know what you need from them. Don’t pretend to be “getting over it” when you really aren’t. If you feel the need for it, don’t hesitate to get grief counseling. It will not only help you deal with the pain of your loss, but also to adjust to your new reality.
Although it isn’t easy, have faith that in time, (and maybe with a little help) you will reconcile to your new life. For now, here are some coping strategies to get you through the difficult days. Put them where you can read them every day.
- Keep in mind that feelings are not “bad” or “good” but indicators of your true emotional state. It is healthy to know what that is.
- Join a support group and share your feelings with other survivors.
- Try writing a letter to your deceased loved one, telling them now you feel about their death: sad, angry, betrayed, inconsolable. Again getting your true feelings out into the open is a necessary part of the healing process. If it seems to help, write a letter every day.
- Consider grief counseling. Just as we all need professional help with physical problems from time to time, we also sometimes need to get help managing the emotional issues in our lives. Grief counseling is usually short-term, affordable, and can help you move toward recovery.
For information on grief counseling, call Dr. Brad Shamis: (215)-752-2287 or click the button below
